As I mentioned numerous times, Glass Mountain LLC is presently in talks with His Lordship Baron Nathaniel Philip Victor James Rothschild of the esteemed European banking dynasty. My friend has owned real estate all over the world, including this stunning New York townhouse he recently had up for sale.
The Baron wants a sunnier yard, with a pool, guest house, space for his full-time security detail, a more substantial yard, and of course, room for our company’s clowder of cats. I suggested we ought to landscape the garden and renovate the bathroom first to increase the resale value, so it was pulled from the market until the work could be done.
Nathaniel wishes to preside over our board, and manage our finances for 2018. Aaron is overwhelmed with his duties as head of the house, his finances are tight and this has caused organic waste to accumulate outside the house, making it increasingly awkward for the family to live comfortably. (We have permission to discard this, “compostable” kitty litter waste free of charge according to the Niagara waste disposal administration- yet Aaron experiences resistance when he attempts to drop it off at our waste disposal sites.)
Humorously enough, several of the locals in waste management have suggested we simply toss it from the bridge behind our home, and into the canal. The prospect is somewhat tempting, as Lady Serena Rothschild, mother of His Lordship, has informed me rather bluntly that she feels her son ought not approach us formally before the mess is cleared from the house exterior. I was perplexed by her reply as clearly this remark ought to have been directed towards Aaron’s mother, since inexplicably, she is the only person Aaron obeys. Numerous witnesses, including our new chair, are concerned about their abuse of power, and the stress this has caused me- including his parents’ insistence that he alone handle all business matters with the family, leaving Fay, Daemon and I to sit worriedly by the sidelines while he flounders.
Regardless, my in laws appear to have jumped ship, are no longer financing this house, and are waiting for young Lord Rothschild to take the helm from their son and adopt their expenses in keeping the house. They had hoped Aaron might move out when the eviction threats commenced, but he hangs on by the skin of his teeth despite issues with our finances. Needless to say, the stress of Mr. Hilton’s coarse handling of this situation has placed the whole group in considerable disfavor with the children and me, as well as our new head. Hilton and Mrs. MacDonald, Aaron’s mother, are greedily hanging onto investment advice by His Lordship, and most eager to see their son hand him the reins— only for some reason, they cannot bring themselves to broach the subject openly with Aaron, who is in denial about his own flailing position as head of the fledgling LLC corporation.
The in laws appear to be deeply perturbed by the prospect of our future successes. In fact, Hilton threatened numerous times to throw us into the street and sell the house from under us while Lord Rothschild and I attempted to iron out various diplomatic issues with the Crown prior to announcing our partnership. He is a British citizen, and his mother is originally from Canada, so Rothschild has a Canadian passport, only due to an ongoing conflict with my in laws, he has difficulty crossing the US border into Canada.
My friend is adamant that his mother, Lady Serena Rothschild, has her own mess to worry about back home in the UK, and should not attempt to add further duress to an already highly irregular set of circumstances. The young Lord Nathaniel Rothschild- I make the age distinction although my friend is well into his 40’s same as Yours Truly- due to the fact that his not-quite estranged father also bears the moniker, Lord Rothschild- is insistent that the time has come to commence legal proceedings against my in laws due to injuries suffered as a result of greed-motivated disputes.
Hilton was quoted by Aaron as saying very angrily, “It’s no fair- all of my golf buddies are millionaires, I want to be a millionaire too”. He has behaved dishonestly, has caused the family grief and an excessive amount of unwarranted stress. He has been stingy and unreasonable, volatile, reneged on his word more times than we can count, and misrepresented the facts of the case to his attorney. He is allegedly connected with various attempts to poison the family by enabling neighbors to spray them with pesticides and burn toxic waste downwind from their home!
I understand Hilton more or less commenced the purchase of this housing arrangement on our behalves with the expectation that we play the role of servile subclass against our better judgment- while he tortures us and makes multiple efforts to extort money forcibly from Lord Rothschild on condition of our access to the basics of a reasonably comfortable living standard. Hilton initially made himself out to be an investor, but the relationship quickly degraded into a swirling mess of embarrassing proportions when I politely questioned the veracity of his interest, as anyone might do given past tensions in the family dynamic.
Given his former profession as a carpenter, and all the tools he possesses, Hilton might just as easily have been of great use to the family had he been civil. Instead, he allegedly utilized his position to enable various parties, including the realtor he bought the house from, to steal trade secrets; engaging in prohibited surveillance. It is furthermore alleged that the Crown made use of this information without permission, and without taking the proper measures to supply us with funding and resources essential to the proper completion of our research, as is the standard way to support scientists in this country.
I have furthermore experienced an inordinate amount of corruption as I sought financial relief- in the way of bureaucratic anomalies and misrepresentations, most notably the failure of Canadian Tire Bank- who failed to follow through on my credit card application once Lord Rothschild was able to rectify my falsely adulterated credit score. Given the nature of these expenses that I attempted to cover with what I saw as emergency measures- this was not acceptable treatment on the part of the financial services industry.
In fact, I have it on good faith that there will be economic upheaval through the Central Banks if this hostile behavior does not cease abruptly now that we have smoothed out tensions with the Crown. My good friend has sought to extinguish meddling, infringement and corruption on the part of Theresa May’s cabinet while dealing with the aftermath of issues he had in his UK homeland with the most appalling and unprecedented government intrusion in his private affairs and mine. Let us thank Lord Rothschild for setting a fine example to all of us in accepting personal responsibility for the direction society takes in our handling of the mundane every day matters that transcend those superficial things which mean little when it comes to our general quality of life and our prosperity as a nation.
What is surprising is that as an employee of the Crown from an illustrious, long and historically significant line of employees to the Crown; and one largely responsible for its prosperity for so many years- one that is entitled to full and unquestioned discretionary diplomatic immunity- would need to bat an eyelash in his business dealings with other Commonwealth nations such as Canada. I am quite positive this has been resolved now and his path will no longer be impeded by our allies. That includes you, Prince Harry, and the rather dubious sincerity of your pursuit of charitable activities with disabled veteran athletes, however spectacular your budget might be. We feel the motives behind these displays are hardly Christian, and seem calculated more towards the Windsor family’s reputation than the general affluence of British society.
Of primary concern is the behavior of border guards, who seek to deny Lord Nathaniel Rothschild entry into Canada for political reasons as he attempts to visit us and help with the housing situation. He complains that there is a block on the Canadian side in our computer system and they turn him back when he tries to cross over. We would greatly appreciate if President John Ossowski of the Canada Border Services Agency could remedy the situation without further delay. John claims foreign pressure on Poland has influenced his decision-making process regarding border security. We wish to remind him we are not in Poland. I understand Aaron’s (now deceased) grandparents were Polish Holocaust survivors, but this has little, if anything, to do with our present border security needs, does it?
I strongly encourage the Rothschilds to pursue the matter in High Court if there is any further resistance to his freedom of movement among our allied or Commonwealth Nations. His Lordship’s presence here and the possibilities it brings should be celebrated!
The Hasidic community has also been messing around with restricted intelligence due to what appears to be mismanagement in Israel by Netanyahu’s administration, and Lord Nathaniel’s ties to Wall Street have been strained to say the least over the last few months as a result. Given the heated nature of these talks between, among others, the White House, the British Crown, the European Union and last but not least, our own Prime Minister Justin Trudeau- and various political factions forming on either side of the debate who are increasingly doubtful about the wherefore and why of their post-partisan cry to allegiance- we have seen tensions erupt into various bombings, frequently throughout the United States; and less frequently on this side of the border.
This activity appeared most recently in the form of apartment fires in predominantly Jewish New York neighborhoods. (I understand they were pressured to deny my family access to the justice system by elements who have knowledge of dubious Wall Street practices.) The whole mess is rather motivating when you think it over, as insurance premiums rise exponentially with such terrifying calamity when it increases in frequency due to copycat episodes and other highly discouraged activities.
The U.S. Republican party has made itself an obstacle at every turn, to the pursuit of justice- choosing instead of reigning in their own guilty parties, to slap trade sanctions on Canada that have had no positive motivating effect whatsoever on bureaucratic corruption. Evidently, the average Canadian who collects a generous government-funded paycheck does not grasp the greater economic imperative of relations with our largest trade partner. From a North American perspective, the political landscape is one fraught with Russian collusion, and pressure from E.U. representatives to drive the Runaway Marijuana Train into our kindergartens has been increasingly troublesome.
I must say, however, how grateful we are that great pains were taken to rush through my Ontario ID card, and this shows that when we work together, we can, in fact, make a significant difference in the lives of our most productive business people. Consider, for example, Trump’s most recent campaign to install an oil drilling rig offshore along the Coast of California. That is the sort of motivation we have to look forward if we do not push through paperwork that is needed to secure Glass Mountain’s business endeavors. Our troops are very, very eager to see us get started, after all- whether or not Obama agrees with our bookkeeping skills- or those of communities in Scarborough, Ontario for that matter.
How President Trump, and other elected leaders of the world, can continue to turn a blind eye to this travesty, is certainly a good question- however all debate, voting and discussion on the subject is moot, because if the rampant, runaway enthusiasm doesn’t cease immediately, our esteemed Lord Nathaniel Victor James Rothschild will cover his face with shoe polish and simply skitter across the very porous US border into Canada with all those colored illegals they let through on a daily basis. I realize that isn’t the most delicate way to phrase it, however we are far past the point of subtle diplomacy, and well on our way to WWIII if Kim Jong Un has anything to say about it. You see, he’s waiting on his RSVP to our first company Christmas party, and we don’t want to let the man down, now do we?
With any luck, we will be celebrating Christmas 2018 from Lord Rothschild’s brand new, expansive Canadian property in one of the posher areas of Downtown Toronto, where he and his illustrious team of British diplomats and proteges can mingle freely with Toronto’s litterati. We can host croquet games on his front lawn, order pizza and entertain the cast of “Suits” on the occasional Sunday afternoon. We might even reserve an invitation for Margaret Atwood if she issues a formal apology for the rather trying content of material issued from her editor’s desk ever since “The Tent” was published. I can just see her in my mind’s eye- tripping cross Lord Rothschild’s lawn holding one of those little cocktail weenies on toothpicks- to greet me and discuss the design of her next book cover, her other hand wrapped around a microbrewery wine cooler.
Anyhow, so far, so good, as they say. I’ll be sure and send President John Ossowski the most joyous New Years wishes prior to my next purchase of Jamaican Rum at the border duty free shops. You too can send him your thoughts, wishes, sentiments at the following email address: contact@cbsa.gc.ca.
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